I actually have a pretty good perspective on this. Maybe it was my BPD, or maybe I was just insecure, but for a long time I was in relationships because I needed them. From 2008-2019 I was always in a relationship. I told myself it was because I loved and wanted these person(s), but in reality I needed them. I felt like an absolute wreck without a partner, and my mental health issues would take a toll on them because I was unloading all my emotional baggage on to them. I think part of me thought that built intimacy but honestly it just pushed people away. When they eventually set boundaries I would cry or be angry or get upset. It was not a good way to be, and not healthy. I was VERY codependent on my partners, and that made polyamory hard, because I tended to view one partner as my "person" (a common BPD trait) and anyone who threatened to "take away" that person got a lot of anger and spite unloaded on them.

In 2019 my longterm girlfriend, whom I lived with, broke up with me, and then broke up with her other partner (that also lived with us). It was a terrible time, emotionally. I didn't want sex. I didn't want love. I just wanted to isolate. The (now ex) girlfriend and I moved out and left the house to her other partner. I shared an apartment with my ex for a year, before moving into my own place.

I was convinced I couldn't live without seeing my ex every day. She was my person. I needed her. I told myself I couldn't live without her. But over the last two years, especially once I moved into my own place a year ago, I have grown a lot. Being alone is hard sometimes, but it's not terrible like I thought it would be. I have my own space and I feel content. More importantly, I know I can survive on my own, something I didn't think was possible.

I am in a relationship now and it's going well. I finally am with someone because I want them, not because I need them. I have to say, it feels so much healthier this way. I feel better about myself and my relationship feels more equal in terms of give and take. We support each other without becoming enmeshed. It's great. I am still struggling with expressing affection, but I am working on it. I am excited to see where it goes.

So yes, wanting someone, in my opinion, makes for a healthier relationship than needing someone.