[Rivière]

This isn't an advice post. I'm just curious on people's thoughts and opinions on the subject of relationships based on want VS need.

By want, I mean that you are/would like to be in a relationship with somebody solely because you want to enjoy their company. You're happy being single/alone and that's perfectly fine with you. However, if you are/would like to be in a relationship, it would be because you have genuine feelings and an attraction to that person.

By need, I mean that you are/would like to be in a relationship primarily to make yourself feel less alone/lonely. You're not necessarily interested in your partner/somebody as such, but you're with them to help make you feel less alone. You need to be with someone because being alone/feeling lonely is far too painful.

So based on these two definitions, what kind of person do you feel you are in regards to relationships?

I find that a lot of people at the moment are/would like to be in a relationship based on need. They feel so alone that they'd rather be in a relationship with somebody, even if they don't necessarily have a real attraction or feelings towards that person. They feel it's better to be with somebody to spend time with, kiss and cuddle, go places with, even if there's no true emotional attachment. I also feel some people don't explore this aspect of their relationship/reason for wanting a relationship. A friend of mine mentioned she's been in quite a few relationships with men and they don't last very long. She also told me that I'm her only friend. Given her life, she must feel terribly lonely. No friends and living alone, plus everything going on with Coronavirus as well. It had me wondering if she enters relationships with men because she genuinely wants them, or because she feels so alone that she needs them to help make the loneliness subside.

When I considered this of myself, I often feel quite alone. I feel quite hopeful for some of the interactions I have with people and quite often wish there were something more to it. However I never act upon my desires, thoughts, and feelings. I don't like getting into relationships for the sake of it. I like to take my time and get to know somebody because then it feels like the connection is real. At one point I actually signed up for a dating site during the first lockdown and honestly nothing good came of it. Everyone on it are all there for the same thing, to find someone to spend time with. However, to me it felt so forced and I just couldn't do it. I just can't get into it. I know it works for some people. My brother is one of them. But for me, I prefer to be with somebody because I want to be with them, not because I need to.