[Soda_Voxel]

Everything is just too much. I have nobody to talk about how I feel with and even when I do, nobody helps. All the things that used to make me happy just make me feel sad or frustrated. Any happiness that I do have never lasts. Waking up in the morning is such a struggle. I don't want to be me anymore, I don't want to live this life I have, so tarnished from all my mistakes and failures.

I feel as though I have nowhere else to turn. I have no healthy coping mechanisms, and even if I do, they never really give me any lasting happiness. I can do something that makes me happy but someway or another it will make me feel bad. I'll get upset from a small mistake in a game, something I didnt understand in a conversation, I'll feel like my interests and things I enjoy aren't as good as what my other friends like (even though having interests isnt a competition), I'll get triggered by something small...everything is just weighing on me and it really hurts. I have to pretend to my mum like I'm just "having a rubbish day" when the desire to hurt myself is physically killing me. I'm so terribly mentally ill.

I'm sorry for ranting. I'm just feeling an awful lot right now and I have this feeling my time is running out. thanks for reading.