I've debated how best to answer this. I might not say what you want to hear, but I am going to try and help as best I can.

You are not alone in being aroused by things that are illegal, perverse, or dangerous. Many people experience these feelings. I am not sure what drives our sexuality, or determines what we find arousing, but it doesn't stop just because one or more of those desires is illegal or immoral.

However, and I hate to say this, but you are very young. You said it yourself; you are "a child and weak." You cannot give consent to these activities, even if you wanted to pursue them. But what's concerning is that, largely because of your youth, I don't think you realize what true criminals are capable of. I don't know if you have some scenario in your head, or idea of what you want, but these people are pure evil. I guarantee you the kind of things they would come up with are things you can't even fathom. I assure you, you do NOT want to be victim to that. You really, really don't.

Being the victim of sexual assault, grooming, or rape is...well there's no real words for the devastation, the grief, the pain, the fear, and the self-hatred it brings. To experience these things at a young age can alter the entire course of your future. I assure you, whatever you think you want, I promise it's not that.

Being as I am an adult, you are a minor, I don't feel comfortable really recommending a course of action. There's probably some reading you can do, and I have found journaling helps me with my feelings, so it may help with yours. But I am keeping it pretty general. I just really hope you reconsider trying to seek out these experiences and making them a reality. It's not what you want. I promise.