[Stacey]

Hi Eli,

When reading this, here are the things that stand out to me as red flags. Yes, the not contacting you for 2 weeks thing warrants some frustration, but as you've said you did not discuss any sort of communication needs with them before this, so beyond being slightly frustrating I think that's the thing about the whole scenario that's easy to latch on to and show frustration about.

The big things for me is not even that he potentially omitted you when discussing his partners or the people he was dating, it's just as you said - if he was referring to you, he purposefully misgendered you and/or other people he's dating when the question didn't even warrant a response specifying gender. To me that's a huge red flag in terms of his respect for you (and his other partners, really, aside from maybe G).

You also mention that you often feel he is comparing you in some ways to G, the partner he's moving in with, if that's the case it would feel to me like he's intentionally pitting you two against each other in some way. Either with a set intention in mind - spark jealously, incite some kind of change in one or both of you that he wants, etc. Comparison like this in open or polyamorous relationships is a quick and easy way to destroy any sort of foundation you build between partners/relationships/etc. It's verging on manipulation if he's doing this intentionally, which honestly some of the comparisons or comments he's brought up land that way to me when reading it.

Despite all the good, which can be easy to get stuck on in situations where you really like the person and the dynamic you have, you really need to consider why those particular issues are bothering you, why you're getting stuck on them, is it really about those issues or the deeper intentions/meanings/fears that they invoke?

At the very least, I think this requires a serious conversation about your feelings and boundaries if you choose to stay involved with him.