[Mallika]

Hello there,

Thank you for reaching out. You are definitely not stupid for feeling this way. This is a valid matter to talk about.

Firstly, how old was your sister when this started? If she was going through her adolescence, she would have been at an age where sexual interests begin forming. Like Hollie said, she might not have understood the repercussions of what was going on, but would've carried on with what her mind and emotions dictated her to do. However, it was clearly not right as you had to do something that made you extremely uncomfortable, without your consent that too at such a tender age. It is natural that even after many years, you are plagued by complex emotions. Your feelings are absolutely valid, let me assure you of that.

It would be ideal if you could get professional support for this, to help you cope and eventually come to a better mental plane with regard to this. Are you in a position to talk to your parents? Or if you are in school/college, could you meet with a guidance counsellor? Alternatively, you could also contact your local sexual assault crisis centre for support. We have a page listing several hotlines that you might want to check: http://www.teenhelp.org/hotlines/

Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk it out! Take care