[Everglow.]

Hey

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. Like Brittany has said, dealing with all of this for so long is always going to be exhausting and I can understand why it feels like such a struggle. I'm glad you've reached out here for some support though. It's always a good idea to reach out if you're not doing so well, because that way you're not dealing with so much all on your own.

You're right in that people do want you to be alive. You're an important and loved person. But I also know that sometimes it's not enough to just do what other people want you to, and when you're struggling it's even harder. Are there things you do which bring you joy? For example, I know that you're an absolutely incredible poet. Does writing bring you some sort of peace or comfort? Even things which bring you small moments of joy are worthwhile, and if this helps then I recommend using writing as a way to express yourself as much as possible. Maybe you could try writing other things too, such as stories or diary entries. This way, you can use the amazing talent you have in a way which will help your mind feel a sense of peace when it's needed.

You definitely haven't ruined your chance of a good and happy life though. I think many people have felt how you feel. You get trapped in dark places sometimes and it's so much effort to get back out of them that sometimes it doesn't seem worth it, but it is. You have a way forward and you deserve a chance to feel happier in life. I definitely agree with Brittany in that reaching out to talk to somebody you trust or a professional may help. It's important to know that you're not alone, and that there are people who can help you find a way through this.

I hope you're doing okay.