[Rivière]

There's that saying - it takes two tow tango. The same applies here. You can put the blame on yourself however much you want but it doesn't take away the fact this man chose to ask you for pictures. He knew you were underage and he still went along with leading you on.

Maturity comes in different levels and is measured in different ways. Yes, you're obviously mature in the fact you've come to realise what's happened to you and I applaud you for taking into consideration everything that has happened, actually thinking about it maturely. However, maturity also comes with life experience and age. Not just the way a person behaves and thinks. You're still very young and he's over twice your age. You haven't had enough life experience to understand that this person was clearly stringing you along this entire time. You didn't have the life experience to realise that this man was clearly a predator. Now you do.

It doesn't matter how many nude pictures you gave him. It doesn't matter about any sexual texts or whatever sexual activity you behaved in. Fact of the matter is that he knew engaging with you was against the law (I'm assuming you're from a Western culture here) and he still went ahead with his advances. He knew you would give him whatever he wanted because he's clearly the first person you've had such strong feelings for and you thought his reciprocation was genuine. You hadn't yet had the life experience to see that he wasn't with you for the reasons you believed.

Not only that, when we truly love somebody, we do crazy things. We disbelieve anything and everything our friends tell us. Even if we subconsciously know they're right. We just don't want to believe it because once we believe it, it becomes real, and then we have to deal with it; usually quite painfully. Nobody likes to deal with pain, so we bury it and behave like nothing is wrong.

No mistake is a mistake if you learned something from it. In this case, you've gained valuable life experience and now recognise a predator. You know that this man was only after you for the fact you were young, because this is the kind of thing he likes to engage in - sex with young boys. This isn't your fault. You aren't to blame. You were simply naïve because again, you lacked life experience.

I would suggest coming forward to the police with what has happened to you but obviously I can't force you to do so. However, think about how many other young boys he has/could be doing this exact same thing to. It's paedophilia and it's against the law. It's not about age gap. It's about the legality of the situation. He knew that it was against the law to engage in such activity with someone under the age of 16/18 and yet he went ahead and did it anyway. You're not of legal consenting age whether you realise it or not. You still aren't. This man took advantage of you because he knew you were young and naïve.

With all of that said, I think it's an incredibly huge step to come forward about all of this, and discuss what has happened to you. Please don't blame yourself for what has happened. You're not at fault! He is. Put the blame where it belongs. With him.