[Jennaholt]

I'm not sure if this post belongs here. But anyway..

Recently, I met a friend of mine who I've liked for a really long time. We did hookup a few times long ago but that was before he started dating this girl, who I have also come to be friends with now. My feelings for him aside, I respect their relationship and I would never want to fuck things up between them or my individual relationships with each of them.

Anyway, we met for drinks at my his place a while back and I got super drunk I blacked out. I have been going through some family things and I haven't had a break in so long. So I wanted to just sit back and be irresponsible for once. But I didn't expect it to end the way it did. But still not an excuse for what I did. I tried to kiss him and I tried to get physical with him, none of which I remember. He made sure nothing happened between us, and he dropped me back home.

We did talk about it the next day when I was sober and he told me what I did. I apologised a lot. He said it was okay and that he understands but that his girl trusts us a lot (she knows we used to hookup) and that he doesn't want to be in a position where he has to hide things from her but that he obviously couldn't tell her about this. But that it was okay because I was too drunk to think straight.

But I can't seem to forgive myself for what I did. I don't want to keep apologizing to him because I don't want it to come off as me forcing him to forgive me. But I am unable to keep it to myself and everytime we talk, I want to say how sorry I am. And even if he forgives me (I don't think it even bothers him as much as it bothers me), I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for it.


I'm thinking about asking him to tell her the truth and tell him we can't talk anymore. I know I'm just punishing myself but it also sounds selfish because he still wants us to be friends and I'm making this decision all on my own without even talking to him about it. I just know my friends wouldn't forgive me if I tried to kiss their boyfriends and I don't see how this is any different.