[Everglow.]

Hey.

I'm sorry that you're hurting so much and that your job is making this harder for you. I'm in a very similar position so I understand how difficult it is to get up, feel motivated and positive and carry on when you're in a situation which makes you feel under valued and unhappy. Feelingas you do sounds completely valid.

Depending on your circumstances, is there a way you can reduce your hours in your current job? This might not be possible, but if it is it might be something to consider just while you are looking for work elsewhere. That way, although you are still working there, you're spending less time in an environment which upsets you.

Alternatively, if this isn't possible, I recommend trying to find a balance when you're not at work. For example, make sure you find time to properly switch off. Turn off your work chats on your phone so you're not being bothered by stress-inducing messages, leave your work at work, and just detach yourself from that when you're not there.

When you do have to be mentally present, try to find small things that make the job worth doing. For me, I feel very similar in that the company I work for pay me very little, expect far too much, and treat me like I don't matter and could be replaced instantly. But, working in customer service, I get the opportunity every now and then to make someone I don't know feel good by being nice to them, offering them a good experience, or doing something like giving a discount to someone in need when I'm able. Is there something you could focus on beyond the company which brings you pride in what YOU can do, not what the company wants you to do necessarily? Sometimes small positives can at the very least give you a small sense of personal satisfaction, that even if you know this isnt where you want to be and you don't feel appreciated, at least there are small things you're doing which, in the larger scheme of things, make a small difference.

I would also recommend looking into employee support schemes. For example, do you have access to occupational health or employee mental health services? If you do, perhaps you could utilize these so you have a place to express your feelings. This way, it might just help you to not feel alone. Similarly, if you have a colleague who you trust and can open up to a bit, perhaps you could do this. I have found when I feel negatively about something at work, most often there is someone, if not more than one person, who shares my feelings. It helps to feel validated and supported with things like this.

I hope this has helped a bit. As I say, I feel a lot of what you're saying here and I know it's a hard situation to be in because it's a kind of limbo at times. Know that it won't always be like this, and that work doesn't have to be your life. Separate it from your down-time, and when you are there, try and find small moments of positivity if you can. If you want to talk or anything you can always message me.

Hang in there.