[Stacey]

Hi Garyl,
I can relate to your situation. I was in a long-distance relationship for 4 years in my early twenties and I think the long periods of being apart combined with my already very independent mindset made that a unique experience for my first serious relationship. Those long periods of being apart always made it feel like I was living my own life and then every few months when we saw each other that's when it felt like a real relationship and then back to living my own life. This meant that when we broke up and I started trying to date again, I never quite felt like I was in a relationship with the people I'd end up dating, and I admittedly still struggle with this a bit sometimes despite being with my current partner for 3.5 years. Like you mentioned about the living situation, I feel like when I have my own space and I don't live with a partner it's a lot easier for me to fall back into that "single" mindset as soon as they leave. I think this is somewhat normal to a degree but I think maybe you and I are just more aware of that feeling, and due to past experiences in relationships and subsequent breakups maybe even more guarded over this sort of thing.

I think with time, it'll come. I do find myself now feeling more and more like I'm in a couple, making more decisions and stuff as a "we" and not a "me" and this is 3.5 years later.

In terms of them telling you that you that they love you and you feeling torn about that, that's totally understandable given what you mentioned about your previous relationship and I think they will be very supportive of you taking your time to figure out how you feel and what you and your relationships mean to you. Opening up your heart again is really, as cliche as it sounds, about time. It'll come, it may take longer than in previous relationships, but you'll get there. Relationships are so unique to each person so it's hard to give you advice on what to do beyond that, but just be open and try to check in with yourself and be mindful of what feelings come up for you in your relationships.