My ex broke up with me two years ago this May. During the time I had sporadic sexual partners (COVID kind of put a damper on that), but no relationships. Then in February I met a guy and started dating him. In March I met someone else and started dating them (don't worry; we're all polyamorous and they know about each other).

The thing is, even though I am dating two people, I still feel like I am single. I don't know if it's because in my last relationship we lived together for five years, so I felt more "in a relationship" because I saw her every day, and now I live alone so most of the time I don't see anyone. I don't know if it's because I haven't had a boyfriend in six or seven years, and now I have one and a half (one is officially my boyfriend but the other hasn't called himself that so I am holding off on that label). I just honestly don't know what's causing me to feel this way.

There are complications with my feelings, too. One of them already told me he loves me and I just feel so torn about that. I like both these guys a lot, but I feel like it's going to be REALLY hard to let go of the walls I built around my heart in the last couple of years. When my ex ended things they were REALLY bad; I had a huge breakdown and swore I wouldn't love anyone again. Not because I genuinely don't want to feel love, but because I don't want to feel pain like that again.

Does anyone have insight as to why I may still feel single and how to feel more "in a relationship(s)?" Or any advice as to how to open my heart? I'd appreciate it.