It sounds like your brain is not very kind to you, and that's a shame because you are obviously an articulate, caring, and thoughtful person. The thing about brains, though, is that they often lie to us, or at the very least, distort the truth. Everyone goes through life with their own story shaped by their own experiences, but that can make us not to impartial when it comes to ourselves sometimes.

For example, I draw a bit, and I think my drawings look like shit. Everyone else tells me they're good, though. I've come to accept that I may not be the best judge, because I have a history of being down on myself. And it's multiple people saying they're good and I'm just one person saying they're not. It is really a shame how we all sabotage ourselves like this, because life could be so much more enjoyable if we weren't our own worst enemy.

Your situation sounds really tough and I am sorry for that. Would an anonymous crisis line help? I know you said you have trouble expressing your feelings so I thought it might be a bit easier if it was anonymous. There are resources at the top of the TeenHelp page, but personally I like Crisis Text Line. If you're in the US you just text HELP to 741741 and someone will be with you.

You can also journal, or maybe even blog here. The journal has the advantage of being private, which is nice because you can say whatever you want. But people can comment on a blog, so you might find some support there. I've been blogging on TH for years and I find it quite helpful.

I also suggest focusing on small goals, just little things to get through the day, and write them down. Like maybe you'll feel relaxed when the school day is over, or you can eat your favorite food for dinner. It can be hard to set out to achieve large goals, but doing small ones each day can help foster a sense of mastery and accomplishment, and that might help with your depression.

I hope this helps a bit. My inbox is open if you need to talk.