[Everglow.]

Hi there,

First of all, thank you for reaching out to us here. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of really difficult things right now so reaching out is a huge step, especially considering what you've said in your post. I think it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking this is what life is meant to be like. Depression has this way of casting a shadow over everything else so what you're saying makes a lot of sense to me. I can promise you that life is definitely not meant to be like this, and you're definitely not meant to be suicidal. Suicidal thoughts are coming from a place of unhappiness - they're a symptom of something that's going on in your life which needs to be addressed. It's not something which is a part of you naturally. I think the fact you've thought about reaching out for help before is good, and I would definitely recommend following that up especially if you're getting to the point of attempting to hurt yourself. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, even if it doesn't feel like one right now. When you feel as if you are going to hurt yourself, it might be a good idea looking at this list of Hotlines as they're a really useful option which might help you.

I'm sorry that school seems to be expecting too much of you too. As someone who really struggled at times during education, I completely understand that and I know that it's often so overwhelming. There are loads of people in a very similar situation, and although you might feel alone, you're not. Is it possible to reach out to a guidance counsellor at school, or a trusted teacher, and explain that you're overwhelmed? There may be ways they can accommodate this, such as offering extensions on assignments or extra support for topics you find particularly hard. Often, when a school expects a lot, it's because they see a lot of potential. It's hard to deal with because the pressure they put on becomes so much harder to deal with, but it's possible that they see really good things in you which they want to encourage to grow more. It's important that you know that your life isn't school, though. School is important, but if it's making you feel stressed and overwhelmed and depressed, addressing that is really important, and reaching out is a good idea. Make sure you take as many breaks from studying etc as you feel you need, too. Go for a walk and get some fresh air if you're finding it difficult, or play some music in the background which lifts your spirits. Try small things which make you feel even a tiny bit better for the tinest time, and use as many of those little techniques as you can. It won't solve the problem, but it might help you slowly get past a bad day one minute at a time.

I hope this has helped a bit. Remember you're not alone, and you don't deserve to feel this way. If you need anything else you're always welcome to reach back out any time. Take care.