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Re: Does anyone else trigger themself on purpose? -
February 28th 2021, 08:14 PM
I don't think this is dumb at all! I do this too, mostly by going down the Wikipedia rabbit hole; I tend to end up on pages that can be considered creepy and morbid. I think this isn't necessarily self-harm in the strictest sense; but more like a sense of curiosity or desire to do something you know will be upsetting.
I am having a hard time explaining it. The general gist is that it's like an addiction; you know it's bad for you and it makes you feel bad... but you keep doing it anyways. The best thing would be to engage with the world more, find more distractions so you don't feel the urge to take the route you've been taking and consider to be self-harm.
For instance, if I catch myself falling down the Wikipedia rabbit hole, I will click on a random link in the article that is not creepy or morbid as a way to reroute my 'adventure' on the website. Most of the time, it works and I am able to forget it after ten or fifteen minutes. The toughest part is when you're having bouts of insomnia and those images or sounds appear in your mind; as I said previously, find distractions that are safe and reasonable for the hour you are awake. Play video games with the sound on mute, read a book with the beside lamp on, etc.
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