[DeletedAccount53]

Originally Posted by Mallika

Hi Wendi,

I'm incredibly sorry for your loss - the pain must be unimaginable. I too had lost a friend a couple of years ago due to suicide and her death was a huge shock. Even now, sometimes, I can't believe she's gone.

I hope that your friend's soul is in a better place and I will keep her in my prayers.

Take care!! This is indeed a difficult time, and it will take some time to process her death. But time will heal all wounds.

Thank you for being so supportive, Mallika, but she didn't kill herself. Instead my friend had terminal cancer. And never told me.

When in crisis, close friends usually turn to their buddies and I would have comforted her to the very end, same as Julie. But we were denied it, and that was what hurt. At least being there for her, being with her, either of us could have been a loving comfort. Unlike Julie, I did voluntary work at a hospice a while back, so we know how wonderful these places can be for the very sick and dying. People go there for respite care, or respite is granted to those relatives and close friends who have been carers. But she had instructed the hospice people not to contact Julie or me.

Had this been allowed, we may have come to terms with the passing of our adorable friend sooner. Instead by being told the awful news, we are left with no means of saying goodbye and presently are a few hundred miles away in another country. Then to be told our dear friend had died was one of the worst feelings of all.

One day I will overcome this deep sadness same as Julie. We will find a way forward - eventually. I appreciate your being here for me on the forums is sweet and caring, and I thank you.

The loss of my best friend is akin to our adoptive mother leaving us. No matter how difficult life can be, the feeling of abandonment is an absolute bugger.

Though I will be strong. Strong for my twin sister and "Sparkey" our little sis. Somehow we'll plod on because we have to. Death is like falling asleep, so we've been told. But it's the ones who are left behind who have to find a way forward. It won't be easy, but then it's not the end.