[NeuroBeautiful]

Would only one be so bad?
Would only one ruin my record?
I have a clean track of 2 years and several months
Would only one cancel out the progress I've had?

I don't want to appear weak
in front of my friends
I don't want to keep it hidden and have them inadvertently find out
I don't want to lose them when they find out I am not doing so well

I remember my social worker from 3 years ago
Vouching on my behalf that if I was given a safe place to live,
my self harm habits would all but seize
I was granted a safe place and I knew I couldn't disappoint him
I had to show what he said was true

I came to be known as the first resident
Who had moved out in a healthy way
The residents looked up to me; inspired by my strength
I cannot disappoint them now or ever

I don't want to start over; I don't want to throw my progress away
Not wanting to mess up is no longer sustaining me
I need a reason to triumph rather than to barely avoid

When I am not busy with work I curl up in a ball
Blanket over my head
Begging for the pain to end
Sometimes I realize how addicted I still am
The cravings don't stop coursing through my body
I want to be free and I am not

In between gasps for air and shaking episodes
I ask myself: What would be so bad about only one superficial cut anyway?