[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]My boyfriend and I have known eachother forever. He says he wants a future with me and would rather die if he has to live it without me. He has a really horrible life I don't know how he manages. I think he said he is only staying alive for me. I have tried to leave him more times than I can remember and each time he says he will kill himself, tells me his plan, says I never loved him and blocks me for a few hours. I'll send him a friend request and we'll talk for ages and I'll beg for him back and then we'll get back together. But the thing is our relationship has been falling apart. I don't trust him because I have a horrible feeling in my gut about his close female bestfriend. Even if it turns out to all be in my head and there's nothing going on between them their bond is inappropriate (you'll find out at some point in this thread why) I remember when I trusted him and it felt so nice and I was close to him on the deepest level. But now, being intimate with him makes me cringe on the inside. When I'm alone thinking about it I physically cringe and shudder etc. He has realised that I almost don't love him at all anymore, t here are allot of tell-tale signs that became apparent to him and when he left me as a result he was sad that I was so happy without him, said I was never that happy with him and that makes him so sad. He's obviously forgotten then when I was close to him and felt so good on the inside. My issue is as follows. He has a very close female friend and they've known eachother for approximately four years. She has always tried to turn him against me from day one. It has worked before. He has dumped me over her instruction many times. They talk about our relationship problems. And anything really. He goes to her when he doesnt feel good they use eachother for emotional support. Apparently he doesn't see anything wrong with it. I tried to stop them from talking I thought it was a mutual decision I had spoken to him about why I felt uncomfortable. So she in turn hacked into his accounts, leaked my personal information by reading our convesations and tried to make sure I couldn't talk to him anymore. I had had access to his accounts but he has never let me back on them after she told him that it made me controlling (I had access because I wanted to soothe myself, he had cheated previously and although he said he wouldn't do it again I wanted to be sure of it) It soon transpired that actually, they were still talking, he still wanted her in his life. He has lied about not talking to her anymore about three times since then when really he was behind my back. So in my eyes they are essentially together without the intimacy and I feel like being used for sex.He said if he loves her and not me then why would he be with me and not with her. But he had previously revealed that she fancies someone else. Anyway, Meh. Our conversations are boring. I don't look forwards to talking to him. I feel like I'm the one putting in most of the effort. I dont want to be with him anymore. The feelings are almost non existent. I remember what we were like before but have accepted that it wont be the same again. Can't look at him the same way. I cant shake the feeling that there is something going on between them. But I don't want him to die either because I dont handle death well.[/size][/color][/font]