[Mallika]

Hi Wendi,

Thank you so much for your heartfelt write-up. I'm sorry that I couldn't respond earlier; I wanted to get to responding when I got some time to read your post fully and give it its due attention.

There were many things you mentioned here. In relation to dealing with narcissistic people, words cannot describe how difficult it is. I'm fortunate my parents are not narcissists, but my paternal grandfather came close to your description of a narcissist. He died last year and in our culture we tend not to talk badly of the dead, but I will honestly that he was very difficult to reason with, manipulative and only thought of his feelings and opinions as valid. To that end, he made life difficult for everyone who lived with him, including his own wife, my dad and uncle, and subsequently my mom and aunt (his daughters-in-law) after they married his sons. I'm sorry to hear that you and Julie had to grow up under the influence of a narcissistic mother. All growing children need is love and care; it is very painful to read that you and Julie did not receive such from your mother.

But I think it is very admirable that both you sisters stuck through thick and thin and found a way to deal with her while she was alive. You must have been pretty young then, so it would have been pretty tough. Like you mentioned in the part about drawing the pictures of yourselves with Julie, the beauty of life is that, no matter how difficult life gets, as humans we have the ability to make the most of any situation and remind ourselves of our own worth time and again.

I'm happy to know that you are in a much better place now. Everything happens for a reason. Bad periods of time also happen for a reason, but nothing in this world is permanent. Your time growing up under your birth mother will stay with you throughout your life, but you have learned so much from this experience that you have the maturity to deal with what life throws at you. Not many young people can do that now. We only learn from experience after all. If you feel that you need any form of post-traumatic stress therapy, I hope you have access to that sort of service. Sometimes it helps having a professional help us sort through our feelings.

If you ever need to chat, feel free to PM me