[Everglow.]

Hey,

This all sounds like a really difficult thing to go through, and I'm not 100% sure my advice will be anything you've not considered yourself or been told before but I thought I'd offer you at least some support, because I can't imagine having to go this alone.

Your parents reactions definitely seem tough. In a sense, I can see where they're coming from because in their minds, they probably think tougher is better as it's going to suddenly trigger a change in behaviour due to the threat of not being supported. In reality, this is likely going to add to the problems which are triggering you already, but sometimes I think lack of awareness or forethought stops this being realised. Obviously being unsupported emotionally and financially will add stress to what is already a very stressful time, and that won't be beneficial to your mental health. If you're going to have a conversation with your parents about this, this might be something to emphasise. It's not that you're not taking your mental health seriously, but their support is crucial to ensuring you're not a part of a revolving door, by offering you the means to recover well.

I'm figuring you probably are but, are you in any sort of therapy or support groups outside of the in/outpatient treatment that you have or will possibly receive? If so, maybe you can mention this to them as well and maybe give them examples of the help it's given you and the successes you've had. I know you've mentioned that you have a toolbox of options you can use before self harm becomes a mechanism for coping, but maybe giving them some examples will help them see what and how.

That being said, you shouldn't have to talk about things that are going to negatively impact you, and if you decide you'd rather not have this talk now (or ever), that should be fine too. There are ways you can talk without being face to face too which might help. Maybe a letter, or a text conversation. You could possibly open the conversation up and let them know you want to be as transparent as possible, but that it's much easier to do when you're not on the spot. Over text you have the benefit of being able to delete, retype, edit and proofread, and also, if it gets too much you can practice breathing exercises or coping tools without the pressure of being watched by people who might make it harder.

I'm really sorry you're having to go through this, and I'm sorry if I've not been much help. You're not in this alone, and the progress you've made with your own mental health is valid and worth being proud of, even if it's something they scrutinise. You're getting through things day by day, and a relapse or slip up doesn't take away from the work you're putting into yourself. Keep going and keep using the tools you've established to cope - you're doing this the right way, and you deserve proper support from the people you care about.

If you ever want to talk feel free to drop me a message. Stay strong.