[DeletedAccount53]

Originally Posted by Matter

Hi all,
I've been struggling with choosing any ideas for my future for a long time now, and it's starting to be unbearable. I passed high school carefreely because I was sure something would come to my mind in the end. Well, it didn't - I had to choose some studies, because I had no idea what to do with myself otherwise. I chose Iberian studies to at least improve my Spanish, but Spanish classes here turned out to be a total failure, I gradually grew to hate this faculty and at this point I stopped attending any classes and I'm sure to fail all of them in a month. I'm also very stressed because the university might or might not sign me out immediately - if they don't I get to keep my student status for the next term and I will be able to continue working. If they do sign me out, I won't be able to work where I do now.

I've thought about starting History studies next September, because history is something I'm really interested in. However, I think pure academic studies are not for me. It's just... I hate how this system works, it's just the same as at school. One gets marks for pissing into the wind.
I believe Graphic studies would be better for me (or any kind of artistic studies). Unfortunately I wouldn't be able to get into the Academy of Fine Arts, which leaves me with private unis only. I don't think I could handle that financially, plus private unis in my country are usually of very poor quality.

I have no idea what to do. Completing studies seems stupid to me, but I don't know what I could do in the future if I don't finish any faculty at all. The future seems so grim and uncertain. I can't imagine that my life could ever become stable.
Thanks for reading my long post.
Sue

Hello Sue. I empathized with your message, but you can write as much as you like. No problem to me! And I've no doubt to my friends here.

Though pardon my being so forward, but you have come so close into starting so exciting that completely missed your heart's desire. Quoting a line from your post:

"I've thought about starting History studies next September, because history is something I'm really interested in."

I've recently finished my finals in Bachelor of Arts with Honours (BA (Hons)) in British and French Ancient History and Modern History, including including Byzantine Studies and Modern Greek and Latin. (Latin was a bugger to learn, but twin Julie helped me through it!)...

....And my 2nd BA (Hons) In French and English Literature. We now have to wait four weeks, but likely a lot more because of covid bringing restrictions before receiving the results. But we did this because History is grounding for us because it's beaten the hell out of our clinical depression.

Like my beloved, there's this burning passion for study irrespective of our personal lives and past hurts, because the fire that burnt within got us to where we wanted, through odds and negative people who told us "You'll never do it!". Annoyed we told them where to go and went for it. Doing it we ignored other people's reaction and opinions and shut them out. With friends like them, who needs friends? We worked very hard, Sis and I. She even helped my my dyslexia. Our professors knew and were good to me, and they were good to Julie as well as the other students under their academic wings.

You can this, if your heart is really burning also.

In a few week's time job as Librarians, Archivists awaits Julie and I, and we've been given opportunity, fully paid by our State to study for a Master of Library and Information Science (MLIS) degree.

Whatever you do, Sue, ordinary or extraordinary, significant or insignificant, it should always be done with passion and perfectionism: Quoting you again: "' because history is something I'm really interested in'". It's an expression of who you really are. Live with passion and you deserve every breath of life you get; live without it and you may as well go straight to your grave if you resign yourself into giving up and not fight depression or whatever is holding you back - am I right? Because if you really want to illuminate this world, you've got to burn!"

You just have to believe to completely focus on what you want to do, and what you want to be. Seize upon any shred of courage and magnify it. Whip yourself up into a passionate courage and just go for it. History is glorious!

Why talk yourself into a corner and settle for less? Your heart is already there, beating for History like ours were. Just think about my plain speaking, but take your time and come back when you're ready. I wish you all the very best!