[Starseeker]

Hi all,
I've been struggling with choosing any ideas for my future for a long time now, and it's starting to be unbearable. I passed high school carefreely because I was sure something would come to my mind in the end. Well, it didn't - I had to choose some studies, because I had no idea what to do with myself otherwise. I chose Iberian studies to at least improve my Spanish, but Spanish classes here turned out to be a total failure, I gradually grew to hate this faculty and at this point I stopped attending any classes and I'm sure to fail all of them in a month. I'm also very stressed because the university might or might not sign me out immediately - if they don't I get to keep my student status for the next term and I will be able to continue working. If they do sign me out, I won't be able to work where I do now.

I've thought about starting History studies next September, because history is something I'm really interested in. However, I think pure academic studies are not for me. It's just... I hate how this system works, it's just the same as at school. One gets marks for pissing into the wind.
I believe Graphic studies would be better for me (or any kind of artistic studies). Unfortunately I wouldn't be able to get into the Academy of Fine Arts, which leaves me with private unis only. I don't think I could handle that financially, plus private unis in my country are usually of very poor quality.

I have no idea what to do. Completing studies seems stupid to me, but I don't know what I could do in the future if I don't finish any faculty at all. The future seems so grim and uncertain. I can't imagine that my life could ever become stable.
Thanks for reading my long post.
Sue