[Everglow.]

Hey

I know not being in chat hurts and I completely understand why. The forums do take longer for a reply to come in, and it's not the same as havign a conversation with someone, but they're a really good way to get to know people nonetheless. I hope you know that there is support here for you even outside of the chatroom, and that you're definitely involved in the community here in ways that extend beyond the chatroom. Please don't ever feel that people are glad you're not around. That's definitely not true! I've been a member here for a long time, and there's nobody here who enjoys seeing other people hurting. People volunteer here and keep on coming back because this site is a place for people to be themselves, and to be accepted, in ways they might not be elsewhere. That's the same for you too! You're just as welcome as anyone else is.

I'm sorry to hear about the bullying. I went through a lot of that myself and I can speak from experience when I say it's difficult not to see hostility everywhere when it's what you've grown up knowing. It's a very typical response because I think our brains almost get programmed to expect unkindness from people even outside of the context it happened in. try and challenge yourself to see that the chatroom, and TH in general, isn't college. The people here are not the people who bullied you. You're not in that space anymore. It takes a long time I think to adjust to not being there. For me, it took years. I'm 25 now; I left school in 2011, and every now and then I still find myself wondering if the group of kids on the bus are laughing because they've seen me. But it's mental effort to remind myself that this isn't school, and those people who hurt me then, can't hurt me anymore. Try and remind yourself of that anytime you feel like you're back in that zone. Challenge yourself to assess the situation in a new context. I promise you that nobody intends for you to feel isolated or bullied or not wanted, and I'm so sorry that you are feeling like that. As I say, I get that. I feel it. It's so close to what I know too, so I feel for you and I hope you know people do care.

On a much lighter note, I'm obsessed with the greatest showman! After I watched it the first time I had the soundtrack playing on repeat for WEEKS. What's your favourite song? I'd love to see it live on stage if it ever goes on tour!

I'm no longer in education, I finished my masters degree in 2020 though, and most of my lectures were cancelled for the final term due to Covid. It was very stressful, so I hope your college has things planned out well enough to keep the stress levels down as much as possible! I'd love to know more about what you're studying!

Take care, stay strong