[Rivière]

Firstly, I'm really sorry you posted this almost two months ago and still haven't received a reply. I don't know if your situation has changed since then, but I'll respond based on what you'd written anyway.

Secondly, you're not a joke. Looking from his position, he must have been trying to find the right time to split with you for a while and had no idea how to do it. I have been in a similar situation where I'd wanted to part ways with somebody and I honestly had no idea how to do it. In fact it's why I first joined Teen Help! There is no real easy way to split with somebody, especially if you genuinely don't want to hurt their feelings. I get that much of an impression from him based on what you've written. He obviously cared enough about you that he didn't just cast you aside, he was trying very hard to find the best time to do so, so please take comfort in that.

Thirdly, you don't sound insane at all. You must love him very much. When we love someone that much, we tend to ignore all the red flags and inexcusable behaviour our partner has done because we want to see the best in them. We like to see all their wonderful and amazing parts, and unfortunately this can cloud our judgement on what kind of personality that person truly has, including the bad parts.

I don't know if you're still in contact with him, but honestly, constantly talking to him isn't doing you any favours. You're literally hurting yourself by doing this. You still have huge feelings for him, and while he obviously cares about you, it's not reciprocated in the way that you hope. Talking to him whilst knowing you can't have him, emotionally and physically, is only going to make things worse for you. Your mental well-being is important. Despite the fact that you love him very much and see him as the perfect person, now is the time to be strong and put some distance between he and you, so you can work on emotional healing. As much as you may not like it, time isn't just the only thing people need to recover, but space. Give him some space, and allow yourself the same. It's hard. It's painful, but it will get better, though only if you allow it.