[DeletedAccount53]

It's been brewing since the 2nd wave of coronavirus, for Julie has stayed home when I went shopping, or come out in the truck and locked herself in while I went and did the business. Julie knows she has agoraphobia, but is very close to let me help her through this difficult time. Helping her, helps me.

Agoraphobia is not just the fear of open spaces, but an inner dread of something going wrong during which she feels unable to handle herself. Having had covid very seriously during which she could have died from pneumonia which was a aggravated by the virus and having severe asthma as an underlying health problem, only intravenous antibiotics saved her. For me in the same ward room since we could not be separated, it was the darkest time of my life!

Once Julie was discharged from hospital, our doctor brought a small oxygen cannister and a mouth piece so she could breathe more easily when needing at home. Being her identical twin, I always knew what she needed. Often we chat to each other in our minds. Not something people know, or we'd tell thems. Some things are just never meant to be publically known. We have always had this telepathy, but the need to be private about was paramount.

Julie's main fear is being infected again by covid. That cannot be guaranteed neither medically proven as yet, except we always take precaution when going out: special masks, a face shield thingy and social distancing, lots of hand washing, hand spray sanitizer (75% ethanol alch) for whne we can't and my never letting go of her hand. If strangers see us, they assume we are girlfriends, but closer up will see we look exactly the same. Let me say here and now that I could not care a fig what they think. My sister is my life. What few realised let alone understood was whne Julie's life was in danger in hospital, in my mind I was on the edge! When she feels down, I know; when feeling anxious, I know; when panic is rising, I know and when she wants to talk heart things, I know. It's not so much telepathy but only toward my beloved, I am empathic and cannot remember a time when we weren't. So when Julie's mind state arises, I act like a sponge to reach out for her, though it is important everyone here knows that I self-care. I self-care in a big, big way. Because empaths can and do suffer whne taking onboard someone's angst, panic, anxiety, agoraphobia - that I am there for her, and watch over her.

While I remember, the 'partner' that I mentioned in previous posts is really Julie. We have only ourselves, we are devoted and there is nobody else who will ever breach that. Maman said "You cannot help but love the one you are with and committed to, whatever the laws of this land have in statute, you and Julie have each other." We are very grateful for hvaing an understanding, loving and comitted foster mother If anyone says to the contrary, then they can nob off.

There is this link between identical twins; a cord that cannot be broken except by the death of one. It is not something either of us wish to dwell on. My life's work is to get her through this agoraphobic state and helper her to come through this stronger, and our doctor has links with someone who can help her and help me to help her. Basically it is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) that can help Julie since she and I know someone we trust, and make an appointment with. It would be good for both of us, hvae sessions every two weeks or so. In the meantime I'm watching over her, becuase agoraphobia is not a choice. The person suffering cannot turn it off, like a tap. I let her talk about what she is going through, and when I've work, encourage her to talk to Maman. I've worked up to a trip in short exposures of increasing length, aware of deconstructing the kind of harmful, phobia-driven thinking Sis may generate out of the blue. I put myself in her shoes so knowing what she is going through, and never once, ever, devalued her feelings as make-believe. I am Julie's Rock, I let her lean on me, weep on my lap while I stroke her hair and let her suck her thumb. I let my own tears fall freely for her. And when she becomes a child again, I am there like I hvae always been.

'Cognitive' by definition means what we think and how we think. This person would be able to guide Julie's thoughts, behaviour and inner doubt connected with her mood so it can be connected to any wrong thought pattern, and be corrected in a guiding way. Thankfully my sister doesn't binge, overeat to compensate her drifting mood, I'm glad to say. But the overriding problem is going outside the door, so if our mutual medical friend can find a way forward, then her healing can begin in ernest. But for now it's one day at a time. And a cup of tea in-between.


Our pasts with previous parents was nothing but a nightmare, and those who have tried to help, have been a total hindrence with unhelperful suggestions. But for now, for the time being I bought us a book to share and have already begun. The book?

Mind Over Mood by Dennis Greenberger PhD. Reference:
Published by Guilford Press
ISBN 10: 0898621283ISBN 13: 9780898621280 (links removed)

I found it in an online bookshop - not amazon, they are far too expensiv. I got this book in 'fine' condition for just £7.00 - a positiv start in the best direction!

Together, she and I are learning strategies, methods and skills proven to be helpful, gyding her and teaching me through what her anxiety reveals, rising panic, anger, guilt - so many feelings so we sisters can solve whatever rises from Julie's troubled state of mind. Now when our mother goes away, then we can begin in ernest. And after we hvae tried some pencil work -beacuse we constantly work together no less - then in about a fortnight's time I can make an appointment to see this medical friend.

This is going to become Sis and I's firm start into making her well again, and helping myself into the bargain.

Goodnight.



In the ideal world this would be my Teen Help signature:


“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” ~Thomas A. Edison


Thomas Edison tried over two thousand times to invent the lightbulb.