[ladoglover]

I hear that you’re struggling with depression and feel stuck because of your parent’s tight rules. These teenage years are hard because you may feel like an adult but are not one yet. So, your in between almost an adult but not quit one yet and wanting freedom but parents still controlling you (baby you).
It is tough and you are not alone. You have a right to feel this way and any way you want to feel. Feelings are not bad or good, they just are what they are. Its okay to feel what you feel.

Millions of teenagers go through this with there parents, wanting independence but having parents not willing to let go. I get it, I do. My parents when I was younger were very controlling but as I got older, they became less controlling. My parents also don’t respond the right way either in situations. I get that too. Its invalidating and hurtful when parents don’t respond in a way they should. Killing yourself is a permanent decision to a temporary situation. The situation you are in now is temporary and life will not always be this way. You will go off to college and have independence. Your parents will not always control you. I know depression makes you feel that things will never get better, but depression is a liar. That is not true. Things will get better. You’re a teenager this is normal wanting independence and not having it yet. Parents fighting to let go. Its all normal and it won’t be forever.

One day like I said you will be an adult and be independent.
Have you thought about asking your therapist if you could have a session at least one time with just your mom or both parents so the therapist can teach them boundaries? I feel that would be very beneficial as therapists know this is a common issue with adolescents is their parents not respecting boundaries/ letting them have some freedom because the parent or parents don’t know how to set rules/boundaries and communication issues between teenager and parents is also a big issue. Do you think if your parents had the tools to create boundaries with you and the tools to know how to properly respond to things it would make things easier? Your therapist could give your parents the tools to respond to you in a more loving, validating way. For example, if you had a therapy session with your parents or just one you could say to them when I cut myself and you yelled at me it felt very invalidating and hurtful. Your therapist would then give your parents the tools on a better way to respond to you when you cut. Not just cutting but also how to respond better when your upset, crying and so on as well.

Do you not trust your therapist to keep what you say to her or him confidential? Could you ask your therapist what is the confidential policy again, what will you tell my parents and won’t? I am so glad your in therapy. Its helpful to not keep all these feelings inside. I want to encourage you to please tell your therapist what you’re feeling. Tell her these are just thoughts and you have no plan to act on them. Your therapist can not help you if you do not tell them everything. It would be like going to the doctor and only telling them half your symptoms and because you only told them half well then they can’t treat you properly or not at all because they were not told all the symptoms. Maybe an antidepressant could help you, speak to your therapist. If you are in crisis, please reach out to a crisis line or call 911.

Is there any sports, clubs, or hobbies you can get interested in to keep yourself busy and spend more time away from your parents, even if it’s just in your room alone doing the hobby or participating in the club over zoom because of COVID? Do you have at least one friend you could hang out with to not be at your parent’s house so much? You said you were lonely but was not sure if you had some people you know of that maybe you could get to know more.

You’re struggling and hurting right now, I see that. You are strong. These adolescent years are tough. You will get through this. I know you are strong. You matter