[SirWilliam13]

Okay, so I have been questioning my sexuality for a very long time, since I was a teen boy. My father moved in different country in order to make more money for us, when I was 12. And then I grew up with my two older sisters and my mom. And there was everywhere panties, thongs, bras and womens clothes, I liked to look at them and I wondered what it will feel to wear them, so maybe that affected me. I mean I was 15 when my mom moved away to my father and my two older sisters became students, so I was left alone in our house with tons of womens clothes, panties and everything, so I started wearing them almost everyday/night. I was 16 years old then. Acted really manly with my friends, but in the nights when I was alone, I was wearing thongs and doing poses in front of the mirror with my butt, haha. I liked girls and I was nice, romantic, good with them,bought flowers, gifts and even writted a few poems for some girls, but I have been rejected and this somehow affected me and in the same time I started to wonder what it will be if I was a girl. I tried to finger my ass too and even putting objects in my ass and i liked it.. I was 15 or 16 years old back then and now I am 28. And after all that I started to think and fantasize about having sex with a man. I did one blowjob to a guy, but he coudnt get hard. I was 20 years old back then. After that I had other chances to meet with a man, but I always quited before the meeting, because of shame, stress and fear.. Then I met a girl, she was my first and only, we fell inlove, even engaged and lived together for 3 years, but she caught me wearing her thong and left me. And I was totally broken after that and damaged, but these feelings came back.. Again I wanted to wear thongs, bras, girls clothes and I started to fantasize about men again (I actually never stopped). I think I still like girls, I mean I turn over to them, I like how they look, but it is more like in the way that I am envy of them, I want to wear their clothes,to be like them, thats why I think I may be gay.. I am sure that I am sexually attracted to men, yes. Not romantically tho. I might be struggling with my gender identity. I mean if I could have a chance to press a button for example and become a woman, I would do it. But I also like my life as a man too. I mean my whole life I had dreams and hopes for true love, romance with a woman. To make her happy, to be loving and caring. To marry her and have kids. So yes, that is/was my dream. But from the other side..I am feeling different now. Maybe it was because of the rejections, I don't know. But I feel different towards women now. In a way, I like them, but I don't feel attracted to them. More like I want to be like them. And I like d*cks, that I can't deny it. And I have big desire and I imagine having sex with a man with me being fully in a girl's role. So, can anyone help me..