[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]I’m generally okay with being single for now. But, I’ve recently started thinking more long term and think maybe I do want to get married and have children one day. But I never cared much for dating and didn’t think about it. The last relationship I had was when I was 15-16- over 10 years ago! I’ve had some people take interest me since then but it was often for casual reasons or maybe I didn’t like them/felt ready so it never went anywhere. I also have a tendency to go along with things and lack assertiveness, as well as a possible tendency to get ‘obsessed’ and like to daydream/imagine things. I’ve also had problems with insecurity and clinginess which was what ended my last relationship. I’d like to think I’d do better this time but not sure.

Recently, a particular guy has been on my mind. We were in the same high school (not class) and caught the same bus (this was nearly 10 years ago). I remember kind of liking him (not a huge crush or anything but generally noticing him) back then but I didn’t have friends/felt depressed and never got to know him. But I remember chatting to him once or twice and he made me laugh about something. We connected on social media a while back, but aside from reciprocal birthday wishes, neither of us talk to each other. I have noticed that he has previously liked some of my profile pictures and I’ve liked some of his too. Not that that means much though.

The thing is though, I feel like we’ve gone in different directions. Over the last few years, he’s got a job related to his degree and has been looking after himself and working out. But for me, I’ve put on weight (camera angles and filters don’t show that so I feel a bit misleading) and am unemployed. I am looking to get healthier and lose some weight and am applying for jobs and trying to find out exactly what I want to do with my life. I’ve often been called ‘boring’ in the past too. I don’t know whether it’s worth making a move within the next few months (my birthday is next month and failing that there’s always valentine’s day next year, so both are options for talking to him, though I wonder if he’ll think it’s a wind up since I barely talk to others on social media) or leaving it until I feel better/am in a better position e.g. happier with my weight and possibly working? But then I’m worried that I don’t know when that will be and maybe by the time that happens, he might not be single. Maybe I should just review the situation/how I feel every few months?

I barely notice guys to begin with, and when they approach me I tend to turn them down, and I don’t go to bars or have much of a social life. I do worry that this is all in my mind or maybe I might be lonely or something. I generally prefer getting to know someone first and then letting feelings develop so the fact this guy is singled out in my mind feels a bit concerning to me. I don’t even know if we have compatible life goals e.g. I know one day he wants to move abroad and yet I can’t see me doing that, at least not permanently anyway, and that makes me question whether I should even try to approach him in the first place. I wouldn’t really know how to approach him aside from just randomly coming out with how I like him but that’s another thread for another time

I don’t even know if I’m ready/in a position to date. I may be overthinking this but I genuinely don’t know how to approach dating/relationships and it’s weird now I have a certain someone on my mind. So yeah, don’t know if I should make a move or just wait until I’m in a better position or something. I’m afraid of being clingy and messing it up and yet I’m also afraid of missing out. And yet maybe a few months down the line, I’ll laugh at this and think it was nothing, just in my head. I’m just full of contradictions lol.

Any help/advice would be appreciated! [/size]