[Celyn]

You aren't at fault for any of this at all, and no-one here is going to hate your boyfriend or the other guy.

I think it's understandable that being in a long distance relationship can be stressful at times, and alcohol can definitely affect our thoughts and feelings and you may have found yourself unintentionally opening up to others about your uncertainty regarding a long distance relationship. This isn't your fault, though it's definitely worth talking through with your boyfriend. Generally, a long distance relationship may require a time frame to transition from long distance to a relationship in general e.g. one or both of you moving so that you are together. So if you are unsure about a long distance relationship because you tend to get sad and miss your boyfriend (completely natural) then you may want to discuss your plans for the future- whether you will stay and work towards moving closer (for example, moving back to the US after your studies) or whether to go your separate ways.

That said, you were lonely, drunk and vulnerable. While you were talking about feeling uncertain regarding your relationship, that guy did take advantage of you by kissing you, taking you to his room and engaging in sexual activity with you. You tried to say no but you were also drunk and this would've been clear to the guy as well. Alcohol and sexual activities never mix well but generally, you can't give consent when you are drunk. Not only that but not being able to say no doesn't mean that you did give consent either- people should look for enthusiastic consent- that means actively wanting to engage in sexual activities, but you were not able nor wanting to do this as you were limp. This is a natural response when we are confused, perhaps scared, and also drunk. The fact that you enjoyed talking, even being physically close to him because you were lonely and missed your boyfriend, does not excuse what this guy did to you, even if he himself was drunk. Technically, it can be said that the guy assaulted you. For more information on sexual assault, feel free to check out our article here.

You are not to blame for this situation. You were lonely, wanting to make friends and many people socialise by drinking. There is nothing wrong with wanting to meet others or go out and have a drink while in a relationship. Alcohol also affects us, and yes, while you could say that you had too much to drink, it's clear that you were confused and lonely, making you vulnerable and you did not want the sexual activity with this guy. It would be a different situation if you instigated or wanted to be sexual with this guy.

This situation sounds like it's difficult for you and your boyfriend as well. Your boyfriend may be confused and may have struggled to understand what happened. This is more so true if you blame yourself- your boyfriend may only have your perception to go on so if you say that it was your fault, your boyfriend may not think of other ways the situation could be perceived- for example, that you were taken advantage of and assaulted. You didn't 'let' this guy make out with you- you were drunk and froze (natural response to trauma) and this guy continued to make out with you even though you clearly weren't giving consent. Does your boyfriend know that you didn't actually consent to what happened? It may be that your boyfriend is thinking of breaking up with you, if he believed you consented and wanted it to happen, as he may be upset and consider this to be cheating. But if he does know that you didn't consent, then it may be best to think about whether your boyfriend is the best person to support you right now. This really wasn't your fault at all and to be dealing with this as well as the thought of a break-up must be really difficult and you need all the support you can get right now.

You don't have to hate the guy either, regardless of how drunk he was or the fact that he regretted his actions. How he lives with what he did is on him, not you. You need to focus on yourself and how you feel, and how you are going to heal from this.

The same goes for your boyfriend. Though he may be upset, hurt and confused, this is not necessarily for you to deal with. Ideally, he should try to be there for you, even if it means setting aside his feelings for a bit. You didn't want this situation to happen, and though the guy regretted what he did, he still took advantage of you, without your consent. However your boyfriend and this guy feels isn't your responsibility. Focus on yourself first