[Mallika]

Hi Sue,

Thanks for reaching out! It must be a really confusing and painful time - my heart goes out to you.

A quote by this children's author comes to my mind as I write this - "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." - Dr Theodore Seuss Geisel. Our minds have this tendency on focusing on the negatives and overlooking the positives... but it need not always be that way, as our outlooks can also change to look at the brighter side of things. Whenever you're feeling down about this, remind yourself gently that you had many great memories with him, and things turned out this way for the greater good. Over time, you will begin to look back on your relationship with a greater focus on the happy memories rather than all the painful incidents.

We don't always realise this in the present moment, but in reality, things do happen for the greater good. If you think about it, he didn't treat you right. Staying with him for longer would have made life worse for you. Now that you're no longer attached to him, you have the time and space to channelise your energy on personal growth and other healthy pursuits. Give yourself time to heal; I don't want to sugarcoat this, but the only way to get over breakups is to face it right through all the pain and tears. It will hurt for the time being, but slowly, you will be able to move on. Cliche as it sounds, time does heal all wounds, and getting over a breakup is probably one of the best scenarios where this saying applies. I've learned this the hard way - but sometimes those relationships and people we invest all our hearts and souls into don't end up staying with us. In many cases, sadly, these relationships don't work out. You're not alone. We cannot challenge fate - what's not meant to be will not happen, and likewise, what's meant to be will most definitely happen.

I advise you against rushing into a new relationship to fill the void from this previous one, because you've not given yourself enough time to recover. Once you are faring better from a mental health point of view, you can think of finding love again. That will also help you put this behind and move on.

For now though, focus on your health. Especially your mental health. If you're feeling depressed, now is the time to seek professional help/therapy. You can also take this time to do those things you've always wanted to do, but couldn't due to the constraints of being in a relationship. It could be as simple as taking a solo hike in the nearby mountains, or a hobby you've had to sideline because of other commitments. It's time to heal internally and grow.

Remember, you are special and deserve to be treated with love, care, respect and dignity. If this boy couldn't treat you this way, he doesn't deserve to stay in your life. Someone better will come along someday, so believe in that firmly.

Also, an amazing way to get over something is to talk about it with someone else. I'm glad you've let it all out here; feel free to DM me if you'd like to vent! You may also talk about this in person with a trusted person, like a good friend, or a sibling or even parent.

You deserve the best! Take care!