[Tigereyes]

I've already talked to many people for the past over a decade. Most eventually left me for being too negative. I have no way to meet anyone else and can't connect with anyone, and often talking makes me feel worse because most don't understand and say hurtful things or they can't handle my problems on top of their own crises. Yes they have told me so, many times. Talking won't solve any of my problems anyway. Talking won't make anything better, and I'm tired of wasting my limited energy that will never improve by explaining the same horrible life story over and over just to give context to people.

Things have changed, yes. For the worst. Everything just gets worse by the day. I'm about to be rejected by my parents for being queer. I'm not coming out to them, never wanted to, but if I stay alive, I can only hide so long. My mom will never get over it for sure. The rest of my extended family makes my parents looks super liberal and accepting--they aren't. 9 years ago, I tried to force myself to be anything but what I am. I don't have a safe space or a found family people say to turn to. I'm not welcome by many in the LGBTQ community. No, it won't get better if I stay alive. There's a new crisis every single day. For the past 6 months. Then TONS of trauma from years before, since I was 10. Talking won't fix a single thing. Talking makes me feel more isolated and alone. I am also trapped here for the forseeable future because people are cool with me dying if I get covid; no one cares about us high-risk people and say we should stay home forever or die.