[Mallika]

Today being World Mental Health Day, I want to share that I've finally decided to seek therapy for my OCD after 7 years.

I first started getting intrusive thoughts when I was 13, but it was only when I was 15 that it actually became observable enough that it alarmed me. I didn't know what was going on then. I had told my parents, but they didn't understand either, thinking I was just being "negative".

A year later when I was 16, I Googled it and found out that this was a proper mental health condition. But seeing how my parents were so averse to my sharing before, I didn't tell them.

Fast forward to today - my OCD is a high-functioning type, so I don't have physical compulsions that others can observe. But my inner turmoil has been unbearable and debilitating - through the 7 years, I have had many an episode of immense distress due to my intrusive thoughts, though I couldn't tell a soul and not a soul could tell. It has been too painful keeping it all to myself. Last Tuesday, when I decided I had to seek CBT/ERP therapy (since that is the gold standard for OCD with a high recovery rate), it felt like I had grown wings. All through the past week, I suddenly have newfound hope that I can recover and feel like myself again. I have big dreams just like many other people; I want to overcome this and live a normal life.

I've reached out to my university's free counselling service, which has trained clinical psychologists and therapists whom I hope will be able to help me. My parents don't know that I've decided to seek therapy. Not only because they didn't previously try to understand me (TBH I don't blame them, they're amazing parents; it's just that in my culture, just like many others, mental health conditions are severely stigmatised), but I don't want to add on to their worries. But I will eventually tell them over the course of therapy. That's why I'm opening up here on TeenHelp - this is my only outlet.

I want to urge any one of you out there suffering any kind of mental distress to PLEASE REACH OUT. Help is available. As I type this with tears streaming down my face, my only regret is that I didn't reach out sooner. It's crazy to think that I've been volunteering at a psychiatric hospital and with organisations for people with intellectual disabilities for over 5 years now, and yet never once thought that I needed to be helping myself just as I was helping others. I should have just convinced my parents when I was younger to let me get therapy so I wouldn't have had to battle this demon for years. I'm still lucky that something made me seek therapy now... the average OCD sufferer takes 14-17 years to get help.

If you're looking for a sign to seek therapy if you need it, this is it. Please, go seek help.

Wishing everyone out there seeking treatment a speedy recovery