[Mallika]

Hi Riz,

Thank you so much for reaching out! It must be a really confusing time, but you can get through this.

Divorce is never a blissful thing - it leaves a scar especially on the children involved. Watching your parents drift apart is no doubt one of the most painful things for children to witness and undergo, so you did the right thing by reaching out. Since you're not living with your dad and therefore not seeing him as much as you see your mom, it is natural for your relationship with him to be affected.

It seems to me that the divorce has hit not only you, but your dad hard too - he has had to drift apart from you. His awkwardness with you could be a reflection of the emotional repercussions of the divorce he is going through. Perhaps he feels guilty, or perhaps he blames himself in a way. Since a parent-child bond is precious no matter what, divorce or otherwise, it is good that you're concerned about your relationship with him. It pays to remain in good terms with both your parents though they might have fallen out with each other. Since this is a troubling situation for you, perhaps you might want to broach the subject openly with your dad? I'm sure he must be also upset about not being able to interact comfortably with you. Even if you don't have similar interests, you can still be on peaceful and friendly terms with one another. See if you can get him to share how he's feeling and if he's willing to put in more effort to look after you emotionally and as a fatherly figure; beyond the financial support he's sending.

You might feel that his new girlfriend is occupying too much of his mental space, and that might be true, but your dad will not be able to push you away forever. His preoccupation with his girlfriend might just be his way of "escaping" his own reality. Anyhow, it might be a good idea to speak about how you're feeling with your dad (with no one else around, just the both of you) and see if it resolves some matters. At least that way, you would have done your part in trying to mend ties with him. And like Holly said, the fact that you've previously had a good relationship with your dad means that there is definitely scope for you both to work on rebuilding that. You can even remind your dad about the old days and ask him openly if he wants to revive it, because you want to continue having a good relationship with him. Remember what I said about a parent-child bond - it's one of those unbreakable things. No matter how much situations drive us apart, blood is indeed thicker than water.

If you feel that things don't improve much after talks, perhaps it would be a better idea to not continue seeing him too often. Going to his house shouldn't be a further source of distress. Speak to your mom openly about this. I know she must have a lot of things to worry about, but your mental health and welfare are incredibly important. What you're going through is a consequence of your parents' decision to opt for a divorce (of course I'm not judging them here!), so you have the right to speak with her about your issues with your dad. Also, you never know, establishing a bit of distance from him might propel him to be more proactive towards interacting with you. After all, absence makes the heart go fonder.

So take this step by step: first, try to resolve this with him by speaking to him. If it doesn't work, establish a distance and see how it goes.

It must be really overwhelming, but every cloud does have a silver lining - you just have to look for it. Be strong, this too shall pass and better days will come

Take care, and feel free to DM me if you have any questions!