I want you to stop and ask yourself an important question: what are you getting out of this relationship? Seriously. Based on what you've said he doesn't listen to you, doesn't take an interest in you, belittles you, ultimately neglects you...what are you getting out of it? My guess is that it's a way not to be alone. To have someone in your corner, no matter if it's not always ideal. I am making that guess based on the fact you have no other friends and, in fact, he was your first friend. I am also guessing that's why it would "kill you" to let him go.

You can't glom on to one person and expect everything to be okay, *especially* if that person doesn't even really respect you. He is mistreating you, based on what you've said here, and you deserve better than that. You don't deserve to be crying all night because of mean things he's said to you. You deserve someone who wants to do more than just watch movies, who will make an effort to talk to you not just when they're bored. You are missing a LOT and I guarantee you when you find it, it will be a difference like night and day. Suddenly you will see how much was missing. Your soul will feel nurtured, not just your body and mind.

Breakups suck, but everyone goes through them. I know you got attached to the idea of a future with this guy, marriage and whatnot, but things don't always work out as we plan. Do you really want to marry someone who calls you "boring" and says mean things to you? That's not love, and if it doesn't end now it will fall apart down the line. That's just the nature of these things. You can't hold a cracked foundation together with duck tape, and pretty soon the whole building will collapse. It's going to hurt, but you can get through it, and you can come out stronger.

My suggestion would be to make some new friends. I know it's scary, and I know it's hard, but it's not healthy just to have one person. Look into clubs your groups to join in your local area. Join online forums like this one to talk about interests and cultivate new ones. Spend time outdoors, if that's your thing, just enjoying the environment. Find a cause you're passionate about and volunteer.

You're going to be okay, but you need to learn to stand on your own two feet, and to ask for what you deserve: respect.

Good luck and PM me if you need anything else.