[Mallika]

Hi Robert,

Thank you so much for reaching out.

As much as people with mental health conditions need our care and sympathy, we definitely cannot underestimate the toll it takes on those who are close-by (e.g. close friends, romantic partners, family, etc.). The past year must definitely have been an overwhelming time for you. It's nice to know that you have had some great times with her; I'm sure she cherishes them too.

From your description of things, it appears that whatever recently happened was perhaps for the best, for both you and her. Yes, it has been an emotional rollercoaster, but it seems to have culminated in your girlfriend finally deciding to seek treatment properly and in you getting some personal space. Sometimes, relationships need a break. There are many couples out there who go on a "hiatus" of sorts where they take a break of a few months to sort out things in their own lives before getting back together with the same person. It's something people probably don't talk about much, but it is necessary in many relationships.

It is important that your girlfriend is getting treated, and we can be hopeful that her situation improves in 6 months' time. It is not unexpected to think that her rather abusive behaviour stems from her underlying mental health issues, so once she progresses with her treatment, she might become a different person and treat you better.

In the coming six months, I think you could take the time to unwind from the relationship. No doubt you miss her, but take this time to divert your mind to other pursuits and give your own mind a break. If you both have agreed to still be in touch over the next six months, I think it would be very nice if you could check in on her progress every once in a while to see how she is progressing with her treatment. She will definitely appreciate your care and be motivated to work hard on recovering.

My ex-best friend had depression and possibly bipolar disorder (I don't know how far she has recovered because I haven't been in touch with her at all). In the time we were friends, she was incredibly toxic, possibly because of those underlying conditions. I got roped in to so many of her arguments with people whom I was close to; which unnecessarily ruined my relationships with those people. She created a huge fiasco in my college, which might have landed me in huge trouble (but luckily got averted somehow) because I was brainwashed into listening to only her side of the story. She distanced me from other people and only had negative things to speak. My life was peaceful before I became friends with her, but all of a sudden it became so complicated. So, for my own sake, I distanced myself from her. I didn't want to tell her on the face that she had ruined my peace of mind because I knew she wouldn't take it well, so I started giving her the cold shoulder. After that, I got the chance to mend my relationships with those people with whom it had been broken. I managed to get my life back on track and things became better again. Looking back, it was perhaps quite selfish of me to have "ditched" her when I knew that she had mental health issues. But at the same time, I knew I was being unfair to myself if I kept being by her side. The reality is, sometimes we have to act in a way that is best for us. In your case, it appears that your decision to put a break in your relationship benefits your girl too, so let's be optimistic

Stay strong, I can imagine that this must be such a confusing and tough time, but better days will come. They always do, because it's always darkest before dawn

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.