I've struggled with some form of OCD most of my life. The first type had to do with preoccupation with germs and hand washing. I was young at the time, maybe ten, and would wash my hands until they were cracked and bleeding. The fear was I would touch something contaminated and I would get sick or die if I didn't wash my hands thoroughly. It eventually got better but I still wash my hands WAY more than a normal person.

In the last few months this type of OCD has come back and I am washing my hands too frequently again. My therapist asked why and I told her I don't know but I do. My life is finally coming together all nicely, primarily because I'm transitioning, but also just because things are better than they have been in years. I am TERRIFIED I am going to get sick and die before I can transition as much as I want to/before I can live openly as myself. Maybe that's silly, I don't know, but it's a big fear of mine and it's one I don't feel like I can tell people.

Over the years I have never been able to find a way to combat the thoughts that surround my OCD and hand washing. It seems to just come and go, much like my other OCD. My hands are starting to get dry again though and it's only a matter of time before they start cracking. I do use lotion regularly and while it does help somewhat it doesn't really do enough to keep from dryness. Does anyone have any solutions as to help me deal with this?