[Tigereyes]

WHY IS EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY SO MUCH FUCKING WORSE THAN THE PREVIOUS DAY????? I can't fucking take any more of this. The more of this shit that goes so fucking wrong, the less reason there is to believe there is a fraction of a chance that my life will ever improve. Killing myself would be an act of mercy at this point.

Oh and they're going to require me to take opiates for this pain that I WILL NEED treatment for. I'm sure this is going to end well... Fuck there can't possibly be a worse time for me to not have money or support and have to take my drug of choice for an emergency surgery with new PTSD and no treatment for that.

Mpre and more shit keeps going so horribly wrong. How can one person's life be so fucking bad? Suicide really might be the only way out. There is no other end in sight. I know a few people care, but I can't take any more suffering. And there's still more. There's always more. What crisis/crises will happen tomorrow? Stay tuned for now. I'm losing my mind. I can't go on, and I haven't wanted to for years. Why do I have to keep suffering this much? I am staying alive solely for people I care about. Same for the past few years. But now it's too much. Putting myself first would mean killing myself to end this suffering.