Money would at least fix 90% of my problems, and money would buy me therapy for the other 10% of my problems. I don't have money for resources. My income the first half of this year was slightly too high for me to qualify for any aid, even though I can't afford my rent anymore and you can't break an apartment lease in my state. For most other resources, you need to prove that you have an income (I don't) and that it is too low. I don't qualify for food stamps yet because I have "too much money to my name," but the cut off amount is literally about one month of necessities because rent is so expensive (which I only have because I saved every extra cent while I was employed). Most food banks don't have food because there is low supply and extremely high demand. I don't want to run all over during the pandemic because I'm at high risk and no one follows guidelines--I don't want to slowly die like that, or worse, be more permanently disabled. I wouldn't be able to be independent at all. And I can't pay someone to care for me. And my parents don't believe in covid being dangerous or that my chronic illness means I'm disabled.
(I can
PM a couple people my state; I would prefer not to publicly post my location).
I know that a few people care, but no one can help enough to make my life worth living. I have stayed alive for the past 5 years for the sole purpose of not hurting people I care about. I don't hate myself anymore. I don't blame myself. I've worked hard to accept myself, but that doesn't help anything. I actually don't have a future if I can't get a good job soon and some doctor decides to research why my fatigue is so debilitating, but they won't because it's not clinically significant. So my life is work then crash and nothing else. At 24 years old. There won't be some magic cure for it; I have actually studied this in college and read primary and secondary scientific literature to research it on my own because I have no answers. Science doesn't know. Researchers likely won't get funding to research fatigue in a lab.
TW: alcohol abuse
All the nonprofit counseling I can find in my area is sliding scale that saves you 10-40% of the cost. I can afford -$1000/month (thankfully my partner is helping pay for my food and health insurance, but they don't have a good job either and are disabled too. And would need someone trauma educated and queer friendly (who also believes in asexuality and nonbinary). Hard to find that for free. Bad free therapists have previously made me so much worse that I nearly attempted suicide later the same day when it wasn't on my mind before. And I told another I needed help because I was abusing alcohol to maladaptively cope and they said that based on how much I was drinking (compared to a cis man twice my weight when I have a small female body), I didn't have a problem. I asked if I should come back in a few months to a year after I keep drinking enough to reach that amount. If there's by some miracle someone entirely free though, I'll attend virtually when I can find the time and energy between job hunting, new ptsd from my job I quit because of the pandemic, and multiple new emergencies per day (now I probably need emergency dental work after 12 years of my parents not being able to afford a dentist and i cant get my meds and I'm not sure if I can afford my meds on my new insurance (if I don't get them, my body will likely attack itself and put me in the hospital, which I can't afford). This is unfortunately how my situation is. I am $30k in debt because my parents forced me to suffer through college. Plus student loans are likely due again starting next month, and I'm not sure if they will put me at $0 due since I made money the first half of 2020.