Hi there, Tigereyes!
First, I want to say that I'm so sorry you've been struggling, both before and during the pandemic. I'm located in a state that has increasing COVID-19 cases as well, and it's scary. It can be hard to find hope when you see how some people disregard basic safety precautions, or how government officials fail to take timely action to support those who are unemployed, at higher risk due to medical conditions, etc.
I know a lot of ideas have already been suggested, and you've already tried a number of them in the past (to no avail). I do want to point out that at least three people have shown they care through TeenHelp. While that certainly won't erase all of the pain and suffering you've enduring up until this point, I do wonder how that pushes back on some negative beliefs you may have about your future. Can you really say that NO ONE cares about you? That you don't have ANY resources? Because clearly, that's not true! If that's the case, then what other negative beliefs might prove to be wrong over time?
You seem to be focusing a lot on the financial aspect of your struggles, which is totally understandable! I'm so sorry you were denied unemployment, but there are certainly other options available to you. I used to work at a non-profit that provided therapeutic and psychiatric services, case management services, etc. to those who were unemployed and uninsured. The clients didn't have to be college students. These types of programs are often funded at the county level, and while there can be a waitlist, it's sometimes possible to expedite an applicant's request based on the intensity of their need. I know you haven't shared which state you are located in, but if you're willing to do that, I would be happy to do some research on my part!
I'll end with this: people care about you. Outside of TeenHelp, you said there's one person who wants you... and while you may believe they don't "need" you, imagine the sorrow they would experience if they knew you were gone from their life forever. I know I would be sad, and I barely even know you! So I hope you will consider alternatives to suicide, as challenging as that may feel today. Sometimes, it really can feel like you're taking things one day - even one moment! - at a time. But I am thankful for every day that you are still here. If you ever want more immediate support, we have a great
Chat Room with lots of other people that I'm sure will feel the same way I do! I'd love to chat with you some more and understand who you are on a deeper level.
