[Tigereyes]

Somehow I doubt I'm good enough for the lowest of low jobs in my field. Even though I'm more than qualified. I'm worthless and hopeless. I don't believe in myself. I'm not positive and outgoing. I'm average. Neutral. Not bad. Good. Not the best. Someone else is more extroverted than me, an ambivert. I'm solidly okay. I don't have a network. I can't convince myself that this isn't a waste of time and energy, but what choice do I have? I can't work retail right now, and I'm barely desireable for that. Not sure my body can take it anymore. Got permanent injuries almost 18 months ago and have never been able to afford treatment for it. Now there's trauma and PTSD from my last job. Last job didn't pay enough for me to build financial security and definitely not enough for therapy. Not to mention everything else I need therapy for from the past 14 years.

I don't want to live like this anymore. If this is going to be my life, I don't want it.

Last time I started my job search in an okay mindset. It made me nearly kill myself after 5 months last time. This time, I'm going into the job hunt very suicidal.