Honestly, I feel like this a lot. I have Bipolar Disorder and BPD, among other diagnoses, and people told me my moods would even out as I got older. To some degree they have, but I don't think it's so much about age as it is about my choices. I've spent much of the last five years depressed and anxious, with a little bit of mania thrown in from time to time. I have been stable about five months in the last five years. Not a great track record. Thinking about it has often left me feeling hopeless.

I've come to learn that life doesn't have to be judged by the mood episodes. Like any chronic illness, there are times of good health and times where you struggle. It doesn't mean the struggle is "reality," which is what I used to think. It's just a part of the illness. The good times are just as valid because in reality, it's all life, and moving through life. Realizing that has helped me a lot, as has realizing when I'm having mood episodes I am interpreting information through pretty biased lenses. That's why it's important to keep up with my healthcare team.

I hope this helps. I know it's hard to feel like it sometimes, but it's not all bad. Even when there's a lot of bad there's still good, too.