[Tigereyes]

I just want to know how bad it's going to be. Should I be cutting back on essentials like basic food? Should I ignore all health problems too? Should I pull my total $1000 out of my forced retirement contribution that I've needed from my past paychecks? Should I have picked shittier health insurance when I already have chronic illnesses? Or will everything turn out fine? Depends on the US government. The unemployment federal aid expires tomorrow. The might renew it in some amount NEXT WEEK after it expires. I applied a month ago and won't know if I even qualify at all for another couple weeks. I hate them. Yes, nearly all of them. They're okay with all of us dying.

The more time that passes, the more hopless I am that it COULD ever get better. I no longer care if there is a light at the end of the tunnel or if it's an oncoming train; I just want to be out of the tunnel.

Time to job search. Just that alone made me nearly kill myself last year. I wish I had killed myself then. It's highly unlikely I will survive 2020.

My goals in life are to pay basic bills, pay medical bills, and pay student loans. This is so horribly unrealistic. I tried to figure out a plan for job searching. It's not going to happen. I won't get a job. Because I'm actually NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Good, just not enough. At least suicide has much more reasonable odds of success.