Problem is, I may not be able to get another job for a long time. COVID is increasingly worse here, so it's dangerous for me to be in contact with lots of people. Places aren't hiring and aren't offering remote work. It took 5 months and 500 total job applications to get the job I had. I'm not a bad candidate, but there's always someone better, with more experience. If anything, it'll take longer for me to get a job now. I don't have the financial resources to survive that long without a job. My job options are also limited due to my disability. I also don't know what I want to do. I didn't expect to live this long. I have no long term plan. Pay bills and pay off student loans. Those are my goals in life, and they are quite far out there... I don't have anything I've always wanted to do that is realistic.
I have a hard time with support groups, especially online only. I can sit and listen, but it doesn't help enough. I can't share and I don't trust people enough to push myself to do that. Less so now that I have many times been forced/guilt-tripped into sharing or made to feel horrible for not. I've gone to recovery groups for years, but I'm ignored because I'm not outgoing enough. People say ignorant things and make me feel worse. So I've fallen out of it. I'd rather have a professional therapist, but no one I know can help me out enough financially. Everyone needs therapy, no one can afford it. Rent alone is $1100, plus I need food. That's all I spend money on. I got a fairly cheap apartment. I already skip most of my doctor appointments too because it's so expensive.
I don't have a community and don't know where to find one. I haven't made meaningful friendships in years. College was lonely. I live in a new city yet again and have for a year, and I still haven't met anyone outside of my coworkers. I don't fit in with a lot of queer groups because a lot of them don't accept asexuals and nonbinary people as
LGBT. I still don't fit in with ace groups (which are all online) because they have to prove that not everyone is the stereotype ace, so I'm excluded.
I'll try listening to the podcasts sometime, but I'm barely able to get my unemployment stuff done on time.