[Mallika]

Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out. I'm sorry that it's been so tough for you.

First of all, I'm happy that you quit your job. It takes real strength to prioritise your physical and mental health over financial demands. Also, it's terrible that you've had to do a job that went against your moral standards and brought so much toxicity into your life. It's also good that you have enough to last you for a few more months, though there is the looming worry about debt. I understand that you are still healing from the trauma from your previous job, but perhaps you might want to find a way to channelise your time now into something you've always wanted to do? Perhaps another job that sounds interesting/you'd like to venture into? It might not sound like much right now, but once you put yourself out there in a role that you like, it will be a form of support system (both emotionally and financially) and might help you cope with the after-effects of your previous job.

I second what Emma said, that is to reach out to someone to talk to, but I can see that it hasn't worked for you. Instead, I'd advise you to reach out to these groups of people: support groups in your local area and/or professional therapists/counsellors. For the former, you can do a Google search - usually there are these support groups that convene at community centres that provide guidance and advice. You'll also get an opportunity to meet others who've been in your shoes and hear about their experiences; that will give you some ideas about how you can better cope with your circumstances. From my knowledge, these are free of cost. For the latter, again, if you're able to visit a professional therapist or psychologist, that might also go a long way. I understand that finances are an issue currently, which is why it might be a good idea to either start meeting support groups first and then opt for therapy once you've sought out a better job opportunity. If that's not an option, perhaps you might want to contact an old friend or a trustworthy individual who have known and ask if they might be able to help you out financially, so that you'll be able to get therapy?

I'm so sorry that your parents have also not been supportive about your mental health and your sexual identity. Unfortunately, there has been no place for these in traditional parenting. It's something many of us face, but don't let it deter you. If our parents aren't able to accept us as we are, we have to seek support elsewhere, preferably in a community of individuals who are just like us. Perhaps you might want to search for communities/organisations in your area where you can meet new people who identify a similar way as you? Sometimes we underestimate the power of community; it makes a big difference in our outlook on matters.

I have one more little tip: have you tried listening to podcasts? Jay Shetty and Gaur Gopal Das, for example, have these free podcasts/videos on YouTube or through the podcasts app if you have an iPhone. People say that it sounds preach-y, but these podcasts have helped people all over the world. Hearing fresh perspectives from someone else might broaden our outlook on our live and might help us cope with our difficulties. It might help you, why not give these podcasts a listen?

You've had to deal with very difficult things, both in recent times and as a child, and these experiences leave a lasting impression on us. Understandably, it has come in the way of your life. However, nothing is permanent in the world. Good things come to an end, and so do bad things. You've no doubt been through a lot, but if you choose to give up now, you'll never get to meet good times that might be in store for you. Sometimes all it takes to change one's fate is a good friend, a job you love and a sense of renewal. Obviously, these are easier said than done, but the reality is that there is some good in the world; it's not that it is eluding from us, rather, we have to just want for the right moment. I know it's sounding quite philosophical here Have you heard of the Phoenix? The mythological creature that rises from the very ashes it gets burned into? This is its process of self-renewal, and it gives a relevant message for all of us - tomorrow can be your clean slate where you opt to start anew.

Finally, remember that you can always DM me if you'd like to talk or vent about anything. If anything, it might help you get a load off your chest.

Take care, and I'm rooting for you!