[Mallika]

Hi there,

Thank you so much for reaching out to us here on TeenHelp. I'm so sorry about what you've had to go through.

My advice is: stand your ground. There's no shame in doing that. You should never have to accept something you're not comfortable with. If you're not comfortable with the idea of open relationships, that should be the final word on the matter, and you shouldn't have to change yourself to adjust for this relationship when it's giving you so much anguish.

From what I can understand, I don't think it's you who's making the relationship toxic. The relationship is toxic to start with - your boyfriend didn't tell you about his girlfriend (red flag!), your boyfriend compares her to you, etc. There's no shame in walking away from a relationship like this.

I get that open marriages and relationships are becoming more mainstream nowadays, but that being said, there are also many people who would never wish to be a part of an open relationship. I'm just like you, while I respect that some people are open to the idea of open relationships, I could never be with someone who has another partner. This is just who we are; we shouldn't have to change ourselves for society. If your boyfriend cannot accept your opinion, you might want to consider if you even want to continue associating with him? As it is, he's already creating a toxic environment for the both of you. There are plenty of great guys out there and you might find someone else who truly loves you, for whom you will be the one without a second.

This is my opinion, but considering his behaviour thus far, do you think you already have an answer to the question of asking him to make a choice? He hasn't treated you right, he has blamed you, lied to you. It already appears that he might not be worth pursuing. Also, getting him and his girlfriend to break up might spiral off into other sorts of repercussions e.g. he might blame you for putting him through a breakup, or he might try to contact her behind your back, etc. He is already upset about the idea of breaking up after you guys talked about it.

I think the ball is in your court now. You're not being selfish by leaving this relationship; in fact, you're liberating yourself and even your boyfriend. If he's happier with his girlfriend, so be it. You deserve great things too, so remember that it's not an act of defeat, but rather an act of strength, to walk away from what's distressing you

Take care, and let me know if you have any questions!