I agree with Holly. I don't think there's a way to do therapy "wrong." It largely is a combination of having a therapist that's the right "fit" and having the willingness and dedication to do the difficult work outside the therapy. The importance of therapy doesn't just end after your hour long session is up.

It sounds like you are doing really great with the homework piece but you might not have found a therapist that's a good fit. Personally, I am in a similar situation to you. I do not like my current therapist very much. However, seeing her is free because of the type of insurance I have (most therapists in my area don't take insurance and a 50-minute session costs $130-150), so I see her. For about nine months I didn't have a therapist last year and my life was a complete wreck. There were lots of severe changes and I didn't have a individual professional to talk about them with, which probably exacerbated my depression, self-harm, and SI. So when my therapy office told me they'd hired a new therapist and she was seeing clients (the whole reason I lost my old therapist was because she left the practice) I was excited.

The first session was great. I felt really positive about her. But as time has gone on I feel that way less and less. I did mention to her (in a nice way) how I feel she's sometimes invalidating and condescending, but not much has changed. However, I still get some things out of our sessions and that makes me nervous to switch.

I've been in therapy since I was nine and I've probably had at least a hundred therapists if you count individual, group, and inpatient. You'll know when you meet a good fit. I have had some wonderful fits in my past that really pushed me to grow and change. I've also had some, like my current one, where I feel awkward during our sessions. The goodness of the fit can make a big difference in how you feel.

I know you're scared of failure to find a good therapist and how that will affect you but honestly you just have to go through the process if you want to reap the benefits of therapy. I think it's worth doing. Yeah, when it doesn't work it sucks, but when it does it's wonderful and may even help your life get to a better place.