[Tigereyes]

TW: brief mention of abuse and addiction (mention of maladaptive drinking), but no details

I've had negative and positive experiences--probably more negative because I was doing "free" counseling at my university (only therapy I've been able to afford lol).

First time, a once close friend forced me to go. I was uncomfortable and anxious, made worse by the hour long "interview" session. I have a history of abuse, so this put me into survivor mode, and I lied about literally everything because someone I didn't trust upfront wanted every detail of my life. I didn't go back for years.

When I did go back to the counseling center, it was that same first session interview. I needed to talk about something urgently and didn't get to. Mentioned concerns about maladaptive drinking, which were ignored because I didn't drink dangerous amounts daily. Was told to try a CBT counselor next time.

I did, and she blamed me for "irrational beliefs" about logical possibilities. I just wanted help with my new and severe test anxiety. She kept invalidating my fears, made me feel bad about myself for them, and told me since I was unwilling to change my thoughts, my only hope was trying to physically calm down. She told me to practice taking 5 deep breaths per day and come back in 2-3 weeks, and was irritated at me for acting noncompliant when I asked what to do about the 5 major exams (think mid terms) and weekly quizzes before the next appointment. I didn't go back. Things got very bad.

Eventually went to recovery meetings and was offered to join a program for students recovering from addition (me). Almost didn't because it required appointments with the designated addiction counselor. She's the only one who helped me and whom I connected with. She didn't interview me and understood my past on a personal level and knew what to do and not do. It still took me months to open up to her, but we could problem solve issues, and she actually said I shouldn't go back to the regular counseling center. Instead of invalidating my test anxiety, she would focus on validating the feelings, planning what I can control, coping with the anxiety attacks, and letting go of the outcome in a safe way. Unfortunately I graduated and can no longer work with her, but I can say I'm very glad I had that opportunity for a year because I'd be in a much worse place now if I hadn't. I've been able to take those same approaches and tools and apply them to other situations (ie this pandemic).