I'm trying not to freak out right now. In the beginning of all this I was like sure, it's fine; my roommate and I will just socially isolate. Not go anywhere unless absolutely necessary. No one in or out except food delivery. But now there are people, some in their twenties, who were relatively healthy before contracting the virus and ended up dying.

I've heard death due to COVID-19 is very lonely because no one is allowed to be with you and I don't want that. I've worked too damn hard to get sick and die of this illness. I am also scared because my friend posted a status on Facebook about how, if she were to get sick, she probably wouldn't be given the care she needed because she's fat and disabled and generally considered to have a low quality of life. I am those things, too. Does that mean they'd choose not to spare my life if they had to? I mean I get it. If it was down to me and say, a person who researches cures for cancer, they'd probably choose to give the ventilator to that person. I mean I get why they'd do that but it still sucks because I'd die.

I don't know. I'm just spiraling and freaking out.