[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]In the past I have had many encounters of abuse from family and peers and sexual assault from peers. I am doing better now however I am still learning how to create healthy boundaries, communicate and to not be toxic to others due to the habits taught to me such as lacking the ability to communicate or keeping a vow of silence.

Recently I have gotten into a relationship and I am still getting used to being treated as nicely as I am and I try my best to do the same as well as make sure I understand how to accept their affection/properly give mine. But things have been great. We have started to get intimate and things are still great however the last guy I was alone with in a room would always try to manipulate me into being intimate and would make me feel bad whenever I did not want to and he would try to put me in situations where I had to accept his affection even though I always expressed that I was not interested. That or any of the other instances before had never come up and I've been mentally improving from both that and the abuse from family but I saw him on campus the other day and I am afraid he will sort of come after me again but I also have a sort of flash of memories and I really like the guy I am with but I don't want to be intimate for a bit and i feel bad about that but I also feel like I shouldn't tell him? I don't want to cry when I tell him because he will feel bad, I don't want him to be upset and I don't want to ruin anything. I will seem him soon in about 7 days and I just have this sort of internal conflict going on.


As for the family aspect, I already planned to fully escape and cut them off when I am done with college, with a job and have lots of savings. But I am realizing all the damage it has done to me and even though I have proof and such I have never actually gotten it off of my chest and still don't know why I have certain habits or how to grow better ones. I don't want to always be in survival mode because of them and even after I leave them for good, there is no guaranteed way that I know of to get better?[/size]