I can absolutely relate. I've struggled with bulimia for years and years and years - the exact onset is debatable. It might've started when I was 11 or 12 (I'm 28 now, so you do the math), but it might've started closer to when I was 20 or 21. Any ways, I've never been thin though. I've always either been a "normal" weight or overweight. My relationship to food, body image, exercise, etc. are extremely complex and can be incredibly dysfunctional. But you can bet that no one notices because I don't
look sick. Even when you look at the criteria to be diagnosed, so often it's about the
physical symptoms, as opposed to be severe
mental/cognitive/emotional aspects that truly drive it. I think our conversations about eating disorders are changing, but it's slow going.
Fact of the matter is that neither of us can change how people perceive us. What I wonder is what it would mean to you for people to understand that your anorexia is worse than ever? You mention feeling fat, at the same time you also say you're (at least technically) at a normal weight, which tells me that maybe there is some disconnect. Body dysmorphia, maybe?
Are you still in touch with a nutritionist and a psychotherapist? If not, I would certainly reach out to them. While it sucks that people don't know your sick, to me, the desire to have people know that reads as you needing people to help you, it reads like you're someone who's struggling to manage on your own and that it's time to reach out for help because your existing toolkit of healthy strategies sound strained and people can't see that because they think you're healthy. If you need to talk, please
PM me.